Words to Live By Since 1993 A SPIFF Publication Vol. 4, No. 9 We're Pennyless! Minimum Rage The cornerstone of the Clinton mandate is about to be set. The minimum wage, the United States' treasure and our identity, is going to be raised from $4.25 to $47.95. You've already read the positive results of this impending increase: elimination of poverty, elimination of illegitimate births, elimination of crime, etc. Well, you get the idea. And you can probably guess where we've always stood on the issue. The minimum wage shouldn't be raised; it should be eliminated. There are people who are willing to work for, and people willing to pay, wages at every level. They should be allowed to do so. The argument is that minimum wage workers haven't received a raise in five years. That's silly. How many people who were making $4.25 an hour in 1991 are making $4.25 today? Six. Everyone else has been promoted to a higher-paying job, or has received a raise because he and his employer agreed to one, or has become a senior White House advisor. The other six don't work hard enough to get a raise and are too inert to look for a better job. The minimum wage hasn't been raised, but the people who were working at low-paying jobs five years ago are gone, and they have been replaced by new workers who were making nothing five years ago. That's what entry-level jobs are all about. Well, you know all the arguments. So do the members of Congress, but they've replaced common sense and conviction with fear of political defeat. The medialibs have told them that every single real American supports a minimum wage increase, and the Congressmen believe it. Nobody seems to care. Bill isn't the only one who deserves the "me too" label. Random Thoughts Send Samples Remember the new $100 bills? Since we wrote about them in WTLB several months ago, we still haven't really seen one. Thank you President Clinton and Daffuhzit Jim. Sign Up. Last month, Nashville's city council gave permission to the new Planet Hollywood restaurant to put up the huge sign that's already been on the front of the building for several weeks. Last week, a local restaurant owner is, in the ignorant way that only a local businessman can do, following the rules by asking permission before he puts his new sign, featuring a large pig, in front of his business. Silly him. It'll never happen. The sign is smaller. It's more tasteful. And it isn't Planet Hollywood. It's probably just as well, though, because the next business on the block that wants to put up a sign is a porno shop. A Penny Lost Is... Yes, we're Pennyless! Yes, Penny White was given the boot by Tennessee's voters. That won't last long, though. She's about to declare the election unconstitutional. Well Done As if you didn't know, there was another animal-superiority crowd rally in Nashville last week, with protesters personcotting a cattle convention. The protest peta'd out, though, when only three people showed up. Confetti! Have you noticed that when Bill's back is against the wall (as though a medialib would do that to him) he claims that there is no evidence to support charges of fill-in-the-blank-here. But have you noticed that you never hear from the Clintons administration the phrase "shred of evidence." Random Olympic Thoughts Econ 100? Scalping is illegal at the Olympics. Reselling tickets is also illegal at the Olympics. It's very sad. Bring the world to America to show it how wonderful our nation is, and capitalism is illegal. Olympic dove burning. Thanks to the animal-superiority crowd, there were no traditional doves to be released at the Olympics this year. That's because last time, the stupid birds torched themselves in the Olympic flame. So much for animal superiority. Instead, they released 100 planned, wanted chiiildren, who were smart enough not to fly too close to the flame. The kids were carrying paper birds, made from wood (Ooooo!) that came from trees that were stupid enough not to have been born as something that would be protected by the animal-superiority crowd. They should have carried Dove bars. Or at least some soap. Oops, sorry. Capitalism is illegal at the Olympics. Bill on Camera Did you notice how many times President Clinton and Bill appeared on television from the opening ceremonies? Lots. Did you notice how few times Speaker Newt, a Georgian, appeared? So did we. If The President were president, and if Speaker Folley, or even Speaker Wright or Speaker O'Neill were sitting nearby, would the ratio be different? Is the Pope Catholic? Is Clinton lying? Bill on Camera Again Did you also notice opening-ceremony Bill during the audio of Rev. King's famous speech? As he fought to hold back the fake tears he tried so hard to shed, he often pretended to lip-sync the words, when he remembered what they are, lip quivering and all. He was probably remembering his childhood, when all of those Arkansas churches were not burning. A Good Start Muhammad Ali got a gold medal to replace the one he lost or tossed from his 1960 Olympic boxing championship. That's a nice gesture, but what we should have seen at halftime is the 1972 basketball team getting gold medals to replace those that were stolen from them in Munich. Did We Mention Capitalism? The big shots at the International Olympic Committee are complaining again. They're complaining about those evil corporate sponsorships and vendors who fund the facilities and the games themselves. An IOC vice president was even silly enough to say, "What we have learned is that the Olympics are too complicated to be handled by the private sector." This guy's never seen a tax form. As if the Olympics should somehow be above commercialism, the IOC president refused to call the centennial Olympics "the best games ever," which used to be as traditional as the doves. If Coke doesn't pay for the games, who will? Zeus? That's the difference between Americans and the rest of the world. We raise money with free enterprise, and they raise (less) money with involuntary taxes. Come to think of it, that's also the difference between Republicans and Democrats. Viva la difference. (Pardon our French.) Closing Thoughts Unlike the opening ceremony, the television cameras weren't fixed upon President Clinton and Bill. That's only because they weren't there. Instead, they were fixed upon Owl, who seemed to be trying to sway to the music (or at least the breeze). It's only appropriate that the world see our nation's first wood medal recipient. Quote of the weak: "We do not want to fail to miss any opportunity to do something truly historic, which is to pass bipartisan welfare reform legislation soon." Mike McCurry Think about it. Quote of the strong: "The problem with t.v. is not too much bad language. It's not too much sex. It's not too much violence. It's too much t.v. period." Michael Medved Words to Live By is published from time to time by Spiff. You can send a fax to us here in the Spiff Executive Tower, on the banks of the mighty Cumberland River, at 615-847-2259, or you can send us e-mail at spiff@nashville.com, or find our web page at www.nashville.com/~spiff/spiff.htm