Words to Live By Since 1993 A SPIFF Publication Vol. 3, No. 33 A fool and his money are two of my favorite people. Run, DNC We enjoy it when our job is simple. The best days are those when the libs give us examples to help illustrate the difference between us and them It's even more fun when they look really stupid doing it. So without further delay, we present to you, with comments when necessary, the text of a Democrat National Committee fundraising gimmick that was obtained through the famous Spiff electronic spy network. Enjoy. Democratic National Committee Dear ... We left out the name here. Would you want the world to know that you were a Democrat? President Bill Clinton urgently needs your immediate response to the 1995 Presidential Poll enclosed with this letter. He needs the opinions of committed Americans such as you to help forge a new legislative plan to deal withthe new Republican Congress, and to demonstrate popular support for his initiatives. What initiatives? The President faces a tough challenge_ not only in pushing through the remainder of his agenda... What agenda? All President Clinton and Bill do is propose lib versions of Newt's ideas. ...but also in defending the hard-earned progress that he has achieved in the past two years. He must defend the economic policies that have reduced our deficit,... Wait, isn't this the same crowd that produced a budget in February that increased the debt and then had to come back with another one after the Congress passed a balanced budget resolution? ...shrunk the size of government,... This would be a reference to the 118 staffers cut from the Drug Policy Office. They didn't reduce anything else. ...lowered inflation and created a record number of new jobs. He must defend his progress in fighting crime,... in Waco and Ruby Ridge ...improving education and curbing the epidemic of gun violence in our nation. We feel safer today. After that assault weapon ban went into effect, we just haven't heard anything about crime. And the President will have to make a stand to protect America's commitment to Medicare, student loans, environmental protection, economic opportunity and so many other programs now threatened by the agenda of the new Republican Congress. We're all going to die! And he needs your help to meet this challenge. First, the President needs you to complete the enclosed 1995 Presidential Poll and return it as soon as possible. He needs to receive the tabulated results from this poll as soon as possible because your input will help affirm his legislative plan-of-action by showing support for his agenda. Let's see, a poll for Democrats only. Now, do you suppose they are going to reject President Clinton and Bill's agenda? Well, they might. See our earlier reference to their agenda. The poll asks questions concerning the key issues that he and the Republican Congress will face in the coming year. You can choose which course of action is best for the country_ the President's... Let us take this moment to remind you that, for some unknown reason, the DNC refers to President Clinton and Bill collectively as "the President," in contrast with Ronald Reagan, who is The President. ...or the Republicans' Do they really want to hear our choice? The Republicans are advocating a dangerous social... Yes, we are dangerous. Who knows what would happen if we got our way and a little bit of prayer was unleashed on the unsuspecting children of America. ...and economic agenda that calls for limits on the right to choose,... Schools? Whom to hire? What to do with our land? What to do with our money? Oh! Silly us! They're talking about abortion. huge increases in defense spending,... Have they looked at China lately? Bosnia? Iraq? Somalia? Little Rock? major cuts in entitlement programs,... We wish! ...and large tax cuts for the wealthy. Translation: anyone with a paycheck. If enacted, the Republicans' agenda will explode our deficit,... Balanced budget resolution. Balanced budget resolution. If we say it enough, maybe they will understand. ...produce large cuts in Social Security, Medicare,... An increase of $1,900 between 1996 and 2002 is a cut only in the mind of a fool or a frightened politician. Or both. ...education, Head Start, and crime prevention, and infringe on the civil rights of many of our nation's citizens. How does a balanced budget impact civil rights? Maybe by cutting off the money Maxine Waters gets for threatening riots. The President is confident that the results of this poll will demonstrate that a majority of Americans overwhelmingly reject these outrageous components of the Republicans' agenda. Translation: "Please believe us. Children will starve because of those monsters!" But will the Republicans listen? We can't count on it. Of course we're listening. Why do you think we're laughing so hard? The Republican Congress is led by the most conservative, hardline right-wingers on Capitol Hill... Wait a minute. We are at the Spiff Executive Plaza, on the banks of the mighty Cumberland River, not on Capitol Hill. ...In addition to Newt Gingrich and Bob Dole,... We don't think anyone with a lick of sense has ever mistaken Bob Dole for a "hardline right-winger." Oh, that explains it! ...Jesse Helms heads the Senate Foreign Relations Committee, Strom Thurmond is chairman of the Armed Services Committee, and Alfonse D'Amato oversees Banking, Housing and Urban Affairs. And we are supposed to have a problem with this? Now if we could just find some hardline right-wingers to replace Bob Packwood, Nancy Iscariot Kassebaum, etc. That's why the President is also requesting that you please offer your support for his agenda, and the Party, by becoming a member of the Democratic National Committee (DNC). We actually thought about giving them some money so we could keep getting these little gems of wisdom. Nahhh! The DNC has been charged by the President... who has been charged by Paula Jones and who will be charged by the Whitewater committee ...to build grassroots support among loyal Democratic leaders, such as you. Without a Democratic Congress to support him, he's depending on you and other leaders to fill this huge gap. As a member of the DNC, you will be helping President Clinton and the Democratic Party in these three important ways: *** Building Grassroots Support: Efforts by the Christian Coalition and the National Rifle Association... As P.J. O'Rourke said, this country was founded by religious nuts with guns. ...were key in producing strong voter turnout among anti-Clinton voters. But they were not as key as President Clinton and Bill. We cannot afford to lose the battle for voter turnout again. Your contribution to the DNC will help our Party rebuild our organization at the grassroots level. *** Mobilizing Public Opinion: Americans don't want a return to the economic policies of the 80's... No, they came out in droves last year to vote for Republicans because they were thrilled with President Clinton and Bill. Your membership contribution will help the President and the Party in carrying this battle to the media... like the medialibs need to have this message carried to them. ...to win the public support that will be so important in the months ahead. *** Winning in 1996: 1996 will be a turning point for our nation. Yep! Now is the time for all Democrats to pull together and meet the challenge before us. For our children, for our nation and for our principles, we cannot afford to fail. Sincerely, Yeah, right! Donald L. Fowler National Chair which sits right next to the Federal Bureau Quote of the weak: "The days of the dole in our country are numbered." Lyndon Johnson, quoted by strong man Walter Williams Quote of the strong: "Unfortunately, they are numbered in the millions." Thomas Sowell Words to Live By is published every week at about this time by Spiff. You can send a fax to us here in the Spiff Executive Tower, on the banks of the mighty Cumberland River, at 615-847-2259, or you can send us e-mail at spiff@nashville.com.