Words to Live By Since 1993 A SPIFF Publication Vol. 3, No. 32 Influencing your opinions for a fiftieth of a century. We're Two! My, how the years have flown by. Both of them. Yes, we here at Spiff have been bringing you Words to Live By for two whole years now. Begun out of our frustration that no Republican would dare to challenge Our (Your, Their, His, whatever) Congressman Bob Clement, WTLB has stayed around long enough not only to see John Osborne take up the challenge, but also a few other things we thought we would never see. We were often pleasantly surprised. A couple of times, we were ecstatically surprised. One of our surprises was that Spiff celebrated its first birthday last year. It's not easy putting out this publication every week (or so), but it's been worth it. The last 12 months have been filled with good and evil, and both gave us a lot to write about. The Senate passed President Clinton and Bill's pork-with-a-gun-ban-on-a-stick package that they called a crime bill, thanks in part to the efforts of such weenies as John Warner Taylor Todd Hilton Wilding Burton Burton Fortensky and Nancy Iscariot Kassebaum, both of whom put an (R) beside their names. Crime ceased to be, except that civil rights heroine Rosa Parks was attacked and robbed within a week. Closer to home (which, as you know, was moved from the Spiff Executive Plaza, towering over beautiful downtown Donelson, Tennessee to the Spiff Executive Tower, on the banks of the mighty Cumberland River), we were forced (by a bunch of corporate bigshots waving their lawyers in our faces) to change the design of our logo. After a brief scare, the Clinton Comprehensive Care Plan (CCCP) died a slow, agonizing death. We wish it could have been faster, but we're grateful for what he have. We watched with tennis-match-watching intensity as Bill announced President Clinton's new foreign policies toward Haiti, Somalia, and what's left of Bosnia. Some of you may remember November of 1994-- the political landslide that alerted the medialibs to the fact that America is more conservative than any of them would like to believe. We paused for a moment to reflect on the contributions made by the liberal politicians who were thrown out of office-- Tom Folley, Mario Cuomo, Harris Wofford, and Jim "Daffuhzit" Sasser, to name only a few. The medialibs, however, ignored the alert, choosing instead to focus on how much more evil those conservatives are when they actually have some power, and pointing out that they'll be gone in two years when America learns how much it really misses the National Endowment for the Arts. Soon thereafter, we saw Joycelyn Elders come and go. Her identical twin, Henry "I Have a Past" Foster, just went (despite the efforts of some of our friends (and Bob Clement) here in Tennessee). We haven't even had a surgeon general since 1994, and we hope we can keep it that way. President Clinton disappeared. The Senate's only sane Democrat disappeared, too. Senator Richard Shelby of Alabama followed in the footsteps of such great conservatives as Bill Bennett, Phil Gramm, and The President, Ronald Reagan, by becoming a Republican. Back in the Music City, Nashville's mayor and failed candidate for governor turned his attention back to the big hole in the ground that he calls "The Arena." You remember, the one that had no money budgeted for such extravagances as lights and seats. The one that was built in an area where beer sales are prohibited until the government waved its magic wand and Poof! What church? The end of World War II turned 50 this year, and is apparently entitled to senior citizens' discounts. Bill discounted the bomb's importance in our victory over Japan. Actually, he discounted the importance of victory at all, referring to V-J Day as "End of the Pacific War." He then went back home to Russia to celebrate V-E Day. The Tennessee GOP decided (against our advice, of course) to make its presidential primary a winner-take-all contest. We here at Spiff fought against the idea, which made some of our very good friends very mad at us-- so much so that one of Spiff's founders went into exile, retiring his keyboard. We have never heard so many second-hand complaints, and our subscription list has never grown as much, as during those weeks of turmoil. All in all, the world is a better place today than it was two years ago. We're glad that we've had a tiny little role in it. Quote of the weak: "If G.M. were run the way this Congress would like to run the United States of America, they'd be out of business in 10 years." Vermont Governor Howard Dean Quote of the strong: "If G.M. were run the way Congress has run the United States of America for the last 40 years, they'd have been out of business 35 years ago." Spiff Words to Live By is published every week at about this time by Spiff. You can send a fax to us here in the Spiff Executive Tower, on the banks of the mighty Cumberland River, at 615-847-2259, or you can send us e-mail at spiff@nashville.com.