Words to Live By Since 1993 A SPIFF Publication Vol. 3, No. 24 Why are Chinese fortune cookies written in English? The Gloves Are Off (On?) It is the absolute, unquestioned pinnacle of joy for us here at Spiff to watch as libs fall into their own politically correct traps. In this case it would be the White House summit with homosexual activists a couple of weeks ago. Apparently, that particular community (?) is upset with President Clinton and Bill over the lack of support for that community's agenda since the Clintons stepped in it with the military policy of 1993. Or as we remember it, the first round of ammo to use in the "We told you so in 1992" campaign. In the days since they realized how unpopular their ideas are, the White House has quietly backtracked from supporting the agenda of that community, causing outrage and general hissy fits (literally) from, you guessed it, that community. So to heal the wounds, President Clinton and Bill hosted a reception with all the relevant and irrelevant cabinet members present, as well as Owl Gore, who must have been thrilled at the thought of having his picture taken in this crowd, with his own presidential ambitions already on life support. What came out of the meeting? A new understanding? Nope. New thoughts on laws that give that community rights that the rest of us don't have? Nope. What came out was the fact that the White House guards were caught using rubber gloves as they escorted that community into the White House. Yes, folks, the White House guards are insensitive! Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha! You can imagine the furor that followed. Protests! Marches! Angry yet perfectly rhymed and choreographed chants! And rubber gloves on the White House fence! This last thing points out that Bill didn't think of everything when he retreated behind the walls of the White House. The Secret Service forgot to close Pennsylvania Avenue to rubber glove traffic. Sorry, we are having too much fun with this. We should condemn in the loudest voice possible the horrible insensitivity and callous attitude shown toward that community. We should condemn the intolerance of liberals. They are obviously not open-minded enough to accept all of us no matter what we choose to do with our own lives. Why, the next thing you know, these radical liberals might even start thinking that God is more important than worshipping a tree somewhere. This is completely out of hand! (A little glove humor there.) Of course, the guards could have been left over from the decade of greed. Nah! The Ballad of Brent Spar Liberal logic strikes again. Somewhere in the North Sea, the Shell oil rig Brent Spar is steaming back toward land. After three years of study and approval from the British government, Shell determined that sinking the rig would be safer than dismantling it on land and set off to sink it. What do you think happened? Yep. You got it. The enviro-nuts went even more nuts than usual. Protests began to spring up across the European continent. The greatest number were, of course, in Germany (which still must be feeling the guilt of its past. They give a home and pander to every peace-nik goof that comes down the pike.), where boycotts of Shell gas stations have now deteriorated into fire bomb attacks and sniper fire directed at station owners. How peaceful! Would you like a daisy with that Molotov cocktail? Shell must have believed that it was worth caving to keep any more of its stations from being blown up by peaceful protesters, because it gave in and turned the rig around. Please remember that these are the people who march around spouting the virtues of nonviolence and love of nature. Amazing, isn't it, how their attitude changes when they think their precious little environment is threatened. The two things these loons know they have going for them are a sympathetic media and week-kneed politicians in some countries. (Well, and several tons of TNT sitting around.) CBS News, on Sunday, mentioned the firebombing of the Shell station, but attributed it to a gas leak. We now know better. ABC News actually led their Sunday newscast with this story, even though negotiations were still underway to secure the release of more than 1,000 people still held hostage by Chechen rebels in Russia and several hostages had been killed. Tells you where the priorities of ABC and anchorwoperson Carole Simpson are. In the week-kneed politician category we may place German Chancellor Helmut Kohl. Bowing to pressure from his country's enviro-nuts (or, as they are more cutely referred to, Greens) Kohl grabbed British Prime Minister John Major during the G7 Summit and tried to get him to scuttle the scuttling. No dice. Major found his backbone and told Kohl to stuff it (diplomatically, of course), and that the sinking would go forward. Thank you Mr. Major. You are still a long way from the stature of The Prime Minister, but we are sure she would approve. Do as I Say... Flash back to the bad old days of not long ago. Bill Clinton, young, fresh, and full of confidence, steps to the podium of the House of Representatives to deliver his first address to a joint session of Congress. The topic: President Clinton's economic plans for the future. During the speech, Bill announces that henceforth we shall use the economic forecasts of the Congressional Budget Office when planning for America's economic future because through the dark years of oppression in the decade of greed, the CBO was the only outpost of honesty in the wilderness of Reagan-Bush lies. His assertion was met with a rumble of laughter from the right side of the chamber, and he responded by stating that CBO numbers had always been more accurate than previous administrations. You know what happened. The Clinton plan passed and the world came apart for the libs. Now, we have watched as Bill ran as fast as his little jogging shoes will carry him to catch the speeding locomotive of a balanced budget that is tearing through the Congress. Only days after he announced his "ten year" plan to balance the budget, the CBO checked the numbers and discovered that not only is the Clinton budget too late, but it still runs deficits. The White House answer was standing by. Leon Panetta hit the airwaves to tell us that CBO numbers are now no good. From now on, the best numbers come from the Office of Management and Budget. They are now the honest people. Maybe the people from the old CBO are now all over at OMB. Or maybe these people are just fools. Quote of the weak: "Well, you can laugh, my fellow Republicans. I'll point out that the Congressional Budget Office was normally more conservative in what was going to happen and closer to right than previous presidents have been." Bill Clinton, February 17, 1993 Quote of the weak II: "You want to use the most credible economic assumptions you can. The Office of Management and Budget's economic projections are right in line with the blue-chip forecasters. That's the mainstream. It's on the conservative side." Leon Panetta, June 18, 1995 Words to Live By is published every week at about this time by Spiff. 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