Words to Live By Since 1993 A SPIFF Publication Vol. 3, No. 20 Guns don't kill people. Pennsylvania Avenue kills people. The Good, the Bad, and the Stupid This week, we didn't have to write a thing. It was one of those weeks where both sides of the intelligence spectrum said enough to illustrate their side of things. But, we can't resist. So for your reading pleasure, allow us to recap our favorite parts of the debate that preceded the House Republicans' historic step up to the plate with a balanced budget. First, the stupid side: As expected, House libs flipped out over the Republican plan to balance the federal budget by 2002. We were prepared for the flip out. But we were not prepared for the silliness that followed. You may recall our categories of libs last week: evil and dumb. On Wednesday, they were all dumb. Intellectual arguments went out the window in favor of grandstanding scare tactics and pathetic whining. One by one they took to the House floor with poster-sized pictures of old people that will most surely be struck dead if the Republican plan becomes the law of the land. Each one complaining that this plan will wreck the nation. For example, we got this lively quote from Rep. "Gypsy" Rosa DeLauro. "The primary sacrifice demanded by the Republicans is from seniors like Julius and Dottie Ruskin who depend on Medicare. This sacrifice isn't fair, and it isn't shared." Mizzz DeLauro went on to bring up this horrible thought: "But their biggest concern is that the Republican plan may force them into an HMO and limit their choice of doctors." Uh, excuse us, but isn't that exactly the same stunt Mizzz DeLauro's beloved President Clinton tried to pull in her Clinton Comprehensive Care Plan (CCCP) last year? From Carrie Meek of Florida came this brilliant thought: "Mr. Chairman, this budget recommends that we eliminate the Department of Commerce. If we are ever going to get to the point where we can develop jobs, we need the Department of Commerce." Yes, she is an idiot, but we will let Budget Committee Chairman John Kasich do the talking for us on this one. "Mr. Chairman, the reason we are calling for the elimination of the Commerce Department is its functions are performed in 71 other entities of the government, and we think it makes more sense to consolidate that, save the bureaucracy, and give the taxpayers some of their money back." Duh. After rallying to the defense of government agencies and old people that are being hunted by Republicans, we turned our attention to the chiiildren that will wind up starving in the streets because we want to balance the budget. Rep. Lynn Woolsey, whose only claim to fame is that she was on welfare before going to Congress (What's the difference?) spoke on behalf of starving chiiildren while wearing a broken fork on her lapel. Yes, it was a fork, which brings up two thoughts. All of the pictures of starving children are being used by Sally Struthers, so she has no poster. And if she used that fork at lunch, OSHA could really nail her for workplace safety violations. (Please remember that the same stupid laws we have do deal with now apply to Congress.) Rep. Woolsey took to the floor with this stirring defense of the starving first graders: "Congresswoman Woolsey," she said, proving that she is full of something because no first grader has been brainwashed enough yet to refer to a Congressman as "Congresswoman," "I can't concentrate when I'm hungry. [How many first graders say "concentrate"?] I can't learn when I'm hungry." "Well," she said, "get ready to have trouble concentrating and learning, and get ready to be hungry, because this budget cuts $19 billion from nutrition programs in order to pay for a tax break for wealthy special interests." Do we really need to respond to this? Enough of that. Let us move on to the intelligent side of things. Speaking on behalf of sanity, new Budget Committee member Deborah Pryce of Ohio rose to the defense of the resolution and the infinitely more fair rules of debate than the libs ever allowed when they were in charge. "By adopting this rule, we will debate and then pass a plan to balance the federal budget within seven years. That statement could not have been made in this Chamber a year ago. But things have changed, and after the November elections there should be no question about the will of the American people. "They expect us to be courageous enough to make the difficult choices that some naysayers in this body have been avoiding for decades now. "But thinking in terms of the future is not always easy. There is comfort in the status quo and there are those who will use almost any tactic to preserve it. We have already seen this morning the Committee on the Budget's good work portrayed as attacks on seniors and children... "The plan crafted by the Committee on the Budget offers solutions no more complicated or profound than those employed every day by hard-working, responsible families who play by the rules, pay the bills and make ends meet... "But I encourage every Member to watch this debate closely. Substitutes will be considered under the regular order of the House. Nothing fancy, nothing tricky. This rule was not designed to give political cover. Every vote counts. "So, Mr. Speaker, on this historic day, I urge my colleagues to adopt this reasonable rule and get on with the task ahead. Anything less would deprive America's children of their potential, the kind of safe and prosperous future they deserve." We couldn't agree more. In the end, the House did the right thing and approved the first budget to bring us into balance in more than a quarter of a century. Will they stick with it under the pressure that will surely come? We cannot say, but we certainly hope so. Quote of the weak: "I will not hide behind the walls of the White House." Bill Clinton, Sept. 25, 1992 Quote of the weak: "Pennsylvania Avenue has been routinely open to traffic for the entire history of our republic. Through four presidential assassinations and eight unsuccessful attempts on the lives of presidents, it's been open. Through a civil war, two world wars, and the Gulf War, it was open. But now it must be closed." Bill Clinton, May 20, 1995 Words to Live By is published every week at about this time by Spiff. You can send a fax to us here in the Spiff Executive Plaza, towering over beautiful downtown Donelson, Tennessee at 615-883-0435.