Words to Live By Since 1993 A SPIFF Publication Vol. 3, No. 9 Four boxes keep us free: soap, ballot, jury, and cartridge. Dumber and Dumberest Remember the dark days of 1993? Back then, we were told that President Clinton and Bill knew all there was to know about health care. Their plan to rescue the most destructive health care system on the face of the earth was the only way we could possibly survive as a nation. Only by turning 1/7 of America's economy to Donna Shalalala, could we contain this beast. In those days, only a brave few (including us) stood in opposition to the Clinton Comprehensive Care Plan (CCCP). For our determination and opposition we were given the charming description, "the Enemies of Health" by President Clinton and her socialistic minions. Not people who disagreed with the policy or President Clinton's approach. No, we were the "Enemies of Health." To listen to the White House, we patrolled the streets at night looking for innocent healthy people so we could shove cigarettes and Twinkies into their mouths. Why do we bring all of this up again now? The CCCP was defeated and will never raise its ugly head again. Almost two years and one revolutionary landslide later, the United States Senate voted on the Balanced Budget amendment last week. Unable to secure the one vote they needed, even from libs who campaigned on balancing the budget, Senate Republicans had to back away from a historic opportunity and vowed to bring the amendment up during the next election cycle. It is a special day for us here in the Spiff Executive Plaza towering over beautiful downtown Donelson Tennessee. For today we welcome a new group to our list of super-villains. Thirty-five libs (including one Republican) voted against the amendment and therefore will forever be known in the pages of WTLB as The Enemies of Solvency. Who are the Enemies of Solvency? Well, you would expect libs like Dianne Feinstein and Ted Kennedy to vote against 80% of the American people and with the special interest groups that keep them in office. Libs like those two and Barbara Boxer, Paul Wellstone, and Christopher Dodd know where their support and votes are. They are not going to vote for anything that will restrict their ability to bring home the bacon. It is the only way they can stay in office. We at Spiff believe that the enemies of solvency have damaged themselves in the long run. One by one, they will be picked off by challengers who will happily use this issue to repeatedly beat them over their heads in the next election (Lest we forget ex-Senator Jim leading the charge for Clinton's tax increase in 1993.) Any potential challenger that did not have his VCR running during the vote missed a really big boat. We're happy to add this new category of idiots to our growing list of targets. They will eventually reside in the Spiff Hall of fame with luminaries such The Warlord, Our Congressman formerly Your Congressman Bob Clement, the former Daffuhzit Jim Sasser, Vice President Owl Gore, Ex-House Speaker Tom Folly, Robert B. Reichhh, Donna Shalalala, and of course President Clinton and Bill. We welcome the new members of the club that's not made for you and me and warn them to expect heavy fire for the next two years. Printing with Red Ink We've done a bad thing. In our ever-increasing efforts to learn just how inefficient or just plain dumb much of our government is, we sent off for one of those free (unless you count the taxes we had to pay for it) guides to catalogs that are available at little or no expense (unless you count the taxes... well, you get the idea) from the Consumer Information Center in Pueblo, Colorado. What did we find? You know the answer to that question. We found stupidity. In the surprisingly small 15-page guide to the wisdom of our government, (We weren't surprised that the wisdom of our government could fit on 15 pages. We were surprised that the government could print anything that small, especially when you include the affirmative-action-this-is-not-a-quota notice, "Do not remove this tag" tags, and the always-entertaining Nutrition Facts.) we are treated to such wonders as "Kid's Aren't Just Small Adults," "Get Hooked on Seafood Safety," and the ever-popular "Backyard Bird Problems." Everything you ever needed to know but could find out somewhere else without government money is available from "Are There Any Government Lands for Sale?" to "Understanding Opportunities and Risks in Futures Trading" (undoubtedly written by President Clinton). It is still a source of confusion for us here a Spiff as to why none of these landmark writings has never made it onto the best-seller list. Surely they rank with the great works of man. In these days when liberal elites use award shows to complain about cuts in their favorite "arts" programs, it is good to know that when the government gravy train stops rolling, they will be able to fall back on creating these masterworks. Who knows, they may even be able to scrape together enough money to buy advertising time on the newly privatized Public Brainwash--er, Broadcasting System. Horse of a Different Color This is becoming a very good habit. We are pleased to welcome yet another former Democrat into the fold of right-thinking people. After the Enemies of Solvency managed to defeat (for now) the Balanced Budget Amendment, they lost one of their own. Senator Ben Nighthorse Campbell, claiming disgust with the obstructionary tactics of his colleagues in the Senate (Can you say "gridlock"?), switched parties and became a Republican. We are thrilled to welcome Senator Campbell, but we temper our welcome with a touch of skepticism that will take a while to fade. When Senator Shelby switched sides, we saw it coming. He had repeatedly opposed President Clinton and Bill on issues, and had been repeatedly punished by loss of government contracts to Alabama. We knew that his differences with the Clintons and their waterboys on the Hill were genuine. This is not the case with Senator Campbell. Up until the debate on the Balanced Budget Amendment, we hadn't heard of a discord between him and his former party. It is difficult to be completely trusting when he comes from a group that incudes Tom Daschle and Robert Byrd. After all, these are not the most trustworthy guys in the world. On the surface, this is yet another rejection and more bad news for the potentates of pork that reside in the White House and on Capitol Hill. The defection of Senator Campbell proves that the Democrats are in complete disarray, with no clear vision in the Congress and a president that is on the verge of becoming irrelevant. With every passing day, the poll numbers show that the American people are becoming more confident in the new majority's ability to create real and sweeping change. Meanwhile, the White House becomes bogged down in indecision, infighting, and a new scandal seemingly every day. We hope Senator Campbell's switch is real. If it is, we invite more like him to follow. (Except Ted Kennedy. The libs can keep him.) Quote of the weak: "The president elected in November 1996 will bring America into its fourth millennium." George Stephanopoulos, whose math skills are typical for this administration Quote of the strong: "We should be careful not to purchase unity at the price of principle." Alan Keyes Words to Live By is published every week at about this time by Spiff. You can send a fax to us here in the Spiff Executive Plaza, towering over beautiful downtown Donelson, Tennessee at 615-883-0435.