Words to Live By Since 1993 A SPIFF Publication Vol. 3, No. 8 Halftime score: America 6, liberals 0 On Your Mark... There they go. Over a year before the New Hampshire Primary, the opening gun of the end of the Clinton Presidency has sounded. For Presidents' Day the New Hampshire Republican Party invited the candidates, maybe-candidates, and "are you kidding?" candidates for president to their state for the first of about 9 million speech and stump fests over the course of the next year. While we at Spiff remain a tad concerned about a process that seems to have left good men like Dan Quayle and Bill Bennett on the sidelines for this round, the men and women who made the trip present an interesting picture and give us many fun possibilities to consider. In order of interest they are: Sen. Phil Gramm of Texas breaks to the front by virtue of the fact that he has a boatload of money and the clearest message yet heard from the Republican candidates. Gramm rightly claims credit for being the lone voice in the wilderness opposing the Clinton Comprehensive Care Plan (CCCP) when it was clocking at 50% approval (for about ten minutes) in the polls. Gramm's strength will be the fact that be hasn't just opposed Clinton, but proposed his own ideas. Sen. Bob Dole of Kansas gains the frontrunner status as the candidate with the most name recognition of the group. We wait to hear the vision of Senator Dole's campaign and his goals for America. Don't keep us waiting, Bob. A name to remember and a voice to be reckoned with may be Alan Keyes. A former ambassador and candidate for the Senate in Maryland, Keyes delivered an outstanding speech to the 1992 Republican National Convention. Keyes has garnered a growing reputation as a strong conservative voice in the black community. To those of you who want to jump on the Colin Powell bandwagon before you know his stand on any issue, take a look at Alan Keyes. The most intriguing duo of the campaign will be Senator Arlen Spector and Pat Buchanan. Spector falls under the "are you kidding?" candidate label we spoke of earlier. For some reason, when you have a large primary such as this, there is always one pompous windbag, who feels the need to educate us about our excesses as right-wing nuts. At the polar opposite of Spector and light years ahead of Arlen in oratory skill lies Commentator Patrick J. Buchanan. These two agree on a grand total of nothing. It sends us into fits of amusement to think of these two hooking up in a debate. It will be fun to say the least. The list goes on and on. Look for a governor or two to get into the race (Look west young Wilson) as well as former Governor Lamar Alexander, Congressman Bob Dornan and former Labor Secretary Lynn Martin. The list is not quite what we expected, but rest assured, the name of the next president is somewhere on this page. Joker's Wild Call it a Freudian slip or an intentional statement, but Surgeon General Nominee, Henry Foster decided it was time to deal the race card in his battle to win confirmation by the U.S. Senate last Sunday. In a speech before his hometown church congregation, following more revelations of his bad judgment or just ineptitude as a doctor, Foster took to the pulpit to defend his record and lash out at his critics (That would be us). How did Dr. Foster refer to his critics? Are they people that have a legitimate difference in point of view from Dr. Foster? Nope. Are they thoughtful individuals who have a reasoned position. Forget it. No, Dr. Foster chose to paint his opponents this way: "White, right-wing extremists." Not just extremists, but white right-wing extremists. Of course, the White House immediately leapt to the defense of Dr. Foster and into the damage control mode that they know so well. They made sure that we know that the word "white" was not in the text of Foster's speech. The press made sure that the message got out that it was just a matter of Foster becoming tongue-tied. They accepted that excuse readily and without question. Please bear in mind that these are the same media people that all but called Majority Leader Dick Armey a liar after his slip of the tongue when talking about Barney Frank. The fact remains, he said it. Whether intended or not, Foster chose to make that distinction. It is an insult to everyone who disagrees with Foster, President Clinton, and Bill on issues of moral and ethical significance. Let's get one think straight. Given his record as a physician and his statements in the past, we would have opposed his nomination if he were white green, red, blue, or striped. Isn't it strange how the high priests of political correctness, who make it a habit to be sensitive and caring toward most, are always the first to throw the derogatory names around when they or one of their own gets into trouble. We could resort to referring to Dr. Foster as a radical left-winger, but that does our argument no good. If we cannot win the debate on merit of thought, then we have no business in the arena. So there are your words, "White, right-wing extremists." Remember them the next time you are accused of being insensitive. Then think about who is calling you the name. Tea, Anyone? With all of the debate over the future of beer sales at the new Nashville Arena, or as we at Spiff affectionately refer to it, the LandPhil Dome, we thought it important that we step into the fray with our unique view and commentary of the situation. As you may know, a few years back the Metro Council (in a desperate attempt to look as though it had actually done something) passed a law that made it illegal for any establishment to sell beer if it is located within 100 feet of a church. Flash forward to a couple of weeks ago when it was discovered that the 20%-complete and Lord-knows-how-much-over-budget arena just happens to be less than 100 feet from a church. In the ensuing fury, the Metro Council began toying with the idea of a waiver for the LandPhil Dome only. Church leaders were outraged. Most of us were just amused. We at Spiff take what might be a surprising position in this entire debate. We believe that beer is necessary to the success of the LandPhil Dome. As you may recall, the original price of the LPD did not include such luxuries as seats, a scoreboard, or lights. Mayor Bredesen only filled us in on those details after the ground had been broken for the project. Now, if you are going to an arena where you will have to stand for two hours in the dark and not know the score as your favorite team plays, don't you think you are going to want some beer to make the time pass faster and make you forget that you are standing in the dark? You will need some alcohol to keep your legs from going numb if the game lasts too long. There are only two other solutions to this problem. One is to ban beer only in the parts of the arena that are within 100 feet of the church. You know, it would be sort of like smoking and non-smoking sections. We could post signs that have a little mug with a slash through it in certain parts of the arena. The other solution is look at the law. If it is a law that was genuinely meant to do some good, then it should apply to everyone--including Phil Bredesen's boondoggles. If it was another government stunt (see Brady Bill) then it should be tossed. Whatever the decision, let's be honest with the people. Quote of the weak: "If Dr. Foster is not confirmed, the American people will miss an opportunity to have a real surgeon general." Joycelyn Elders Quote of the strong: "If people elect me, I'm going to believe that they want an honest-to-God conservative" Phil Gramm Words to Live By is published every week at about this time by Spiff. You can send a fax to us here in the Spiff Executive Plaza, towering over beautiful downtown Donelson, Tennessee at 615-883-0435.