Words to Live By Since 1993 A SPIFF Publication Vol. 3, No. 3 If PBS doesn't do it, thank God! The Return of "Our Congressman" Coming soon to your mailbox...the latest communication from Our Congressman (formerly Your Congressman) Bob Clement. Reemerging from exile following the landslide on Nov. 8, Bob has managed to once again confound the experts as to what (if anything) he believes. As heir to the grand Clement name, Bob has spent most of his time in the public light, which has been most of his time, promoting the issues that are near and dear to great leaders such as Ted Kennedy and his close friend Ex-Senator Jim. Seeing the neon handwriting on the wall, Bob has once again changed his political stripes. In your latest taxpayer-funded letter from Bob, he asks you to call his office on Jan. 17 and express your opinions on the important issues facing Congress. And just what are those important issues, according to O.C. Bob Clement? Well, after referring to our taxpayer-funded letter, we find that O.C. Bob seems to feel that those issues are a balanced budget amendment, a line-item veto, strong crime control, cutting taxes on families and capital gains, and term limits for members of Congress. Why, only in the last Congress, O.C. Bob Clement was helping to pass weak crime control, opposing cuts in the bloated federal budget, and never said a word about cutting our taxes. How times have changed! What could have led to this miraculous transformation? Could it be the change in control of Congress? Never one to miss flowing along with the tide, O.C. Bob tried mightily right after the election to convince his constituents that he is such a conservative that the Republicans were trying to entice him to switch parties. Uh-huh. At events in Washington for the new members of the Tennessee delegation, O.C. Bob was telling anyone who would listen just how conservative he has always been. We at SPIFF know. We were there. O.C. Bob Clement, who many portray as the most powerful Democrat in Tennessee, (How sad is that?) has realized that a big train is pulling out of the station and he is desperately trying to get on board. He may feel safe in his district, but he is obviously concerned. For proof, we need only look to his latest taxpayer-funded letter. You may remember during the campaign, one of his letters appeared in your mailbox right after the August 4 primary election. The letter told us what a great job he does for us in Washington and included no less than five pictures of O.C. Bob hard at work. In their only debate of the campaign, candidate John Osborne pointed out the fact that taxpayers don't need the money they send to Washington going into a franking fund so Bob can send five pictures of himself to constituents in the middle of a campaign. Osborne's point was right, it was valid, and it knocked O.C. Bob back on his heels. Lo and behold, in your new letter, you get only one picture. If you collect pictures of O.C. Bob, we're sure that you are disappointed. Those of us who don't want the things are thrilled. Now if we could just get him to stop sending them altogether.... P(ork) B(arrel) S(lime) It's not bad enough that they spend our tax money to promote their agenda. It's not bad enough that they used our tax money to unleash Barney on an unsuspecting and unprepared world. It's not bad enough that they use our tax money to nibble at the fabric of the American values system. Now, they are using our tax money to continue getting our tax money! With the Corporation for Public Broadcasting falling into the sights of Republican budget cuts in the new Congress, managers of public television stations across the nation have taken to the taxpayer-provided airwaves to plead with their viewers to flood the offices of senators and representatives with calls, faxes, and those neat little Sesame Street tote bags that they give away during fund drives to protest any cuts in the PBS budget. Now, we are not advocating the end of public television programming (well, not all of it anyway). We are just advocating the end of the "public" part of it. Big Bird makes enough money on his own to get his own place. Revenue from Barney dolls approach the billion-dollar mark. Lambchop has been around since man discovered fire. And if you want to watch a documentary, the for-profit Arts & Entertainment channel has them on all the time. The message is, there are venues other than public funding to promote the liberal agenda. The programs that are watched and deserve to survive in the marketplace will. Those that are not watched will not. It's that simple. We should not be paying for programs that nobody watches because they reside in liberal favor. The worst thing of all is listening to those stations use our money to plead on television and radio that their programming is so superior that it should be paid for by the public. When the dollars were appropriated for their budget, do you think that the budget included a "begging" category? And where are they doing this begging? On commercial radio and television, of course. Better Late... Apparently, the libs in Congress (the few that remain anyway) were more than overwhelmed by the second Reagan Revolution that swept into Washington last week. They were either brainwashed or just had the sense knocked into them by their sudden minority status. Where less than two years ago, a brave Congress, sure of its liberal destiny, sure that the nation was clamoring for the change that President Clinton and Bill promised, cast its lot with the Clinton's and their visions of higher taxes, a stunned and drifting band of libs now remains. In their desperation to become relevant again, the libs have looked at the November elections, saw what the people really wanted, realized that it wasn't them, and decided to change. No where can this phenomenon be found more clearly than the transformation of Minority Leader Richard Gephart. Rep. Gephart has, for the most part, escaped the wrath of SPIFF for the past year. Usually because he was hiding behind Tom Folly's gavel. But no more! Now, we watch in stunned amazement as Mr. Gephart puts forward some truly stunning (if a little cynical) positions. Let's take a closer look: Under the cover of the majority, Gephart led the charge for higher taxes in the 1993 budget battle. Now, in the minority, he proposes a tax cut (but only for the people he likes). Why? Because the republicans did. After the people began to take notice of the flat tax plan that Rep. Dick Armey has proposed, POOF! A proposal for a flat tax appears from Mr. Gephart. Why? Because its an idea that seems to be catching on. Now, even though we see through all of this, there are still little things that prove that he is not serious. On is the flat tax he proposes is the bumpiest flat tax we have ever seen, as the graph below illustrates. But the shift in positions is amazing. This is yet another example of what separates us from them. You know what we stand for. Republicans ran on a platform that advocated tax cuts and term limits and a balanced budget amendment. You know that we here at SPIFF have always favored a return to prayer in the classroom. Even if you didn't agree with everything we say, you could still look at each issue and know, from start to finish, where we stand. Can you honestly say that about Mr. Gephart? President Clinton? Bill? Quote of the weak: "I don't know of any Democrats who believe in quotas." DNC chairman Sen. Christopher Dodd Quote of the strong: "It's time to do away with the income tax code we have now, both corporate and individual. The sooner the better." Sen. Pete Domenici Words to Live By is published every week at about this time by Spiff. You can send a fax to us here in the Spiff Executive Plaza, towering over beautiful downtown Donelson, Tennessee at 615-883-0435.