Words to Live By Since 1993 A SPIFF Publication Vol. 2, No. 36 Who died and made you Hillary? They Are Our Future? Earlier this year, "Rock the Vote," the same bunch that brought you a town meeting with Bill Clinton on MTV and delivered the young and not-yet-educated vote to the libs in 1992, released a pamphlet with its completely unbiased and factual look at the health care debate. We at Spiff would like to offer an equally unbiased review. Opening with the premise that the reader decide if an evil rich kid who does not work or a poor and struggling young lady should have a liver transplant, the pamphlet begins by invoking the age-old liberal device of class warfare. Should the operation go to the rich brat or the fine young woman. We at Spiff were a little surprised by the choice. We would have thought that this crowd's first option would be to just abort the liver altogether. After pushing the class (here meaning social level--not style) button and blasting doctors for making an average of $171,000 per year, (We wonder what the puffed-up self important libs who wrote this garbage make.) we are given the reasons why we must reform health care. According to one college professor, "We can't balance the budget because Medicare costs so much. We can't fix our highways because we are paying for health care." And all this time we were thinking it was because of Congressional earthquake and flood relief bills that include condos in Florida and repairs to Penn Station in New York City. Or, maybe it was because of payoff programs to 30-year-old teenagers in Maxine Waters' Los Angeles district. Silly us. What are the health concerns of "Rock the Vote"? Cancer? Ha! Heart Disease? Oh, please! Muscular dystrophy? Yellow fever? Malaria? Whooping cough? Nope. The health concerns of this crowd are mental health, (because they are all in therapy of some sort) pregnancy, (See earlier abortion reference) AIDS, (Surprise!) STDs, (For those of you as proudly un-hip as Spiff, that means sexual transmitted diseases. We looked it up.) and, of course, Joycelyn Elders' favorite health problem--violence. Following frank discussion on the issues by deep-thinking writers from such distinguished American journals like Vibe and Rolling Stone, "RTV" gives us a comprehensive chart that points out the merits of five liberal plans and one good one. (Oh, yes--completely unbiased) But, no matter which one you support, you have to agree with them that our health system is destroying us all and the government must step in to slay this terrible beast, with its ground-breaking equipment and doctors who have given a lifetime learning and practicing the art of saving lives. This must be stopped! Fortunately, in the months since this propaganda piece was introduced, the people have begun to understand some of the details in the 1,400+ pages of the Clinton Comprehensive Care Plan (CCCP) and support has collapsed. Even putting George Mitchell's name on it can't save it now. That is, unless the same Republicans who failed us on the "crime bill" do it to us again. The Rat that Roared Once again, President Clinton and Bill are taking credit for another foreign policy triumph. Just like the permanent peace in the Mid East, the nuclear disarmament of North Korea, and the end of starvation in Somalia, the Clintons have single-handedly brought about the end to terrorism in the British Isles. Yes, the Irish Republican Army has declared a cease-fire-- again. This one is different, though. How? Well this time, they mean it. As we sat in the Spiff Executive Plaza, towering over beautiful downtown Donelson, Tennessee, awe-struck in amazement at the Clintons' victory over common sense, we thought (just to keep ahead of the libs) about what this cease-fire means to America. Apparently, somewhere in the neighborhood of $200 million. It is not as though we are talking about giving money to Ethiopia. Northern Ireland may not have the number-one economy in the world, but we are not looking at a nation plagued by famine either. Beside that, last time we looked, Northern Ireland is still under British rule. You remember the British, don't you? Home of The Prime Minister? It really isn't all that bad. For only $200 million, all crime in the United Kingdom will be just a memory. It took $30 billion to do the same thing here. That $200 million will be put to good use, funding midnight cricket leagues and giving $100 a week to 30-year-old youths in East Belfast. Of course, peace is a wonderful thing. We have no desire to see anyone in Northern Ireland or England killed by a terrorist's bomb. But why do President Clinton and Bill have this overwhelming urge to give away money to every terrorist who promises to stop being a terrorist? Even if they do keep their promise (which is a concept Bill's handlers had to spend three hours explaining to him) why are we paying them to do so? Need some extra cash? Start bombing innocent people in their neighborhoods, give yourself an easy-to-remember, three-letter name, like IRA, PLO, or ATF, and then promise to stop. Why didn't we think of this before? Mr. Kadaffy, President Clinton will see you now. Did It Really Happen? How can this be? Less than a week after the Senate ended crime as we know it by passing the "crime ill," civil rights heroine Rosa Parks was attacked and robbed in her Montgomery, Alabama apartment. We are not sure how this happened. It could be because President Clinton has not yet said when she will sign the bill into law. Since the culprit has been caught, we here at Spiff hope that he is found guilty of beating and robbing Mrs. Parks and sentenced to a long session of midnight basketball--or maybe even some crafts classes. Quote of the weak: "Politics is responsible for mental hospitals." Bob Clement Quote of the strong: "If they do not report to work within 48 hours, they will have forfeited their jobs and will be terminated." The President, Ronald Reagan Words to Live By is published every week at about this time by Spiff. You can send a fax to us here in the Spiff Executive Plaza, towering over beautiful downtown Donelson, Tennessee at 615-883-0435.