Words to Live By Since 1993 A SPIFF Publication Vol. 2, No. 32 If we can send a man to the moon, why not Bill Clinton? The Table Is Set Last Thursday, Tennesseans went to the polls in record numbers to cast their votes in primaries for Governor, two United States Senate seats, Congressmen, and a host of state and local elections. In our usual unbiased and calm way, Spiff offers thoughts and commentary on the 1994 primaries as well as the first ever Spiff political endorsements. Pin this up on your wall and refer to it when you vote in November. Governor: In the most unsurprising event since the rising sun, Republican Congressman Don Sundquist will face off against half-term mayor and two- (soon to be three-) time election loser Phil Bredesen. Mayor Bredesen spent more of his own money than money he raised to beat back the challenge of five other Democrats, including Shelby County Mayor Bill Morris and Eddie Haskel look-alike Steve Hewlett. Sundquist faced nominal opposition from former Chattanooga State Representative David Copeland, and cruised to the Republican nomination. Holding to tradition, Bredesen immediately attacked Sundquist in speeches and with negative television ads, but Spiff expects the voters to look past Bredesen's typical stunts and obviously huge ego and agree that Don Sundquist has the character and qualifications needed to be an outstanding governor. Spiff endorsement: Don Sundquist (Are you surprised?) U.S. Senate: The race for the right to challenge Daffuhzit Jim Sasser easily generated the most voter interest of any race in Tennessee this year. In the end, Bill Frist emerged from a strong group of six Republicans to claim the nomination. Frist's strong showing included winning 79 out of 95 counties, enough to make Daffuhzit Jim quake in his wingtips. Frist informed reporters the next morning that Jim's record of 18 long, painful years in the Senate would come under careful scrutiny during the fall campaign, virtually guaranteeing Jim many sleepless nights. In a last desperate attempt to throw the Frist train off track, Jim's people released their version of an exit poll a full hour before the voting had closed, showing that Chattanooga businessman Bob Corker had already won the Republican primary. Apparently Jim can't count poll numbers any better than he can cut the daffuhzit. Spiff endorsement: Bill Frist (We hope he kacks Daffuhzit Jim.) U.S. Senate: Fred Thompson won the Republican primary for the seat vacated when Owl Gore left for Washington to become Vice Vice President. (Oh, sorry. We can't say that he left for Washington. He's been there his whole life.) Thompson survived a challenge from the under-funded but great guy, John Baker. Only spending $5,000 to Thompson's $1 million, Baker still pulled in 38% of the Republican primary vote, causing many in the GOP to scratch their heads on Friday morning. Nevertheless, Thompson now moves on to face career politician Jim Cooper, who will undoubtedly position himself to the right of Thompson, in a showdown for the final two years remaining in Owl Gore's term. For those of you who don't know, Cooper is one of those guys who has never done anything but politics in his entire life. His father was governor, and he has been running for office almost since he got out of kindergarten. That fact alone leads Spiff to support Thompson. Spiff endorsement: Fred Thompson Tennesseans also nominated the men who will carry their parties' banners into congressional races this fall. Here are some of the fun ones to watch: Third District: Republicans will finally pick up a seat they should have had long ago when 1992 nominee Zach Wamp defeats Randy Button in November. Spiff endorsement: Zach Wamp. Fourth District: Van Hilleary, who scared the hairspray off of ol' State Senator Annabelle Clement O'Brien in his race against her in 1992, won the Republican nomination and will face Jeff Whorley in the fall. Whorley is a lifetime congressional aide to, of all people, Bart Gordon, and ran commercials using members of his family who were not his wife and son, but sure looked like it in the ad. If he can't be honest about his family, who can he be honest about anything? Spiff endorsement: Van Hilleary. Fifth District: The local press, including the Tennessean and the Evening Tennessean, would like to ignore the fact that there is a race here, but we won't. Nashville grocer John Osborne will face off against Your Congressman Bob Clement in the fall. As you know, we here at Spiff have a negative impression of Bob and believe that he bears a striking resemblance to former televangelist Jim (And now my lovely wife Tammy will sing!) Baker. Bob is another of those people who have no life or personality of their own because his daddy was governor and he has spend most of his life tying to live up to it. Spiff endorsement: John Osborne. Sixth District: Brentwood lawyer Steve Gill was unopposed in the primary, and will take on radical liberal congressman (although he doesn't want you to know it) Bart Gordon in the general election. Gordon used his usual dishonest tactics to crush Dr. Dan Rudd in the primary. The only problem is, those Rudd voters will most likely shift to Gill in the fall, leaving Gordon vulnerable. Gordon votes with President Clinton and Bill 88% of the time in a district that is shifting more and more to the right. Gordon's days are numbered. Spiff endorsement: Steve Gill. Seventh District: Former U.S. Attorney Ed Bryant, who resigned in protest of President Clinton and Bill's stonewalling the trial of Memphis Congressman Harold Ford, won the Republican nomination for the seat being vacated by Governor (Oops, not yet. Well, ok!) Governor Don Sundquist. He will meet Democrat nominee Harold Byrd, who ran ads promoting himself as a political outsider, even though he ran for the nomination for this very seat in 1982 and lost to Bob Clement. (Hey, he and Phil Bredesen have something in common.) Harold claims to be a breath of fresh air. What Spiff smells is dishonesty in the air. Spiff endorsement: Ed Bryant. Well, there you have them, the men who will determine our state's future. We have done our part in telling you how to vote. Now, in November, go do it. It's a Math Thing Standing restlessly behind the podium, with its newly reattached Presidential Seal, Bill faked only his third press conference in the 1« since President Bush left office. As Mary McGrory (not exactly everyone's favorite conservative) pointed out, this is the guy who complains that Rush Limbaugh has too much access to the airwaves. You must understand, though, that unless you plan on telling the truth, a press conference takes a lot of preparation. We didn't learn much from the speech; just the same old lies. Bill pretended that he cut $255 billion from the budget. (Spending, especially when you add in government mandates on individuals and businesses, has increased. Only the projections have been lowered, and that by only $64.6 billion.) He lied about raising tax rates on only 1.2% of Americans. (He's pretending that the only tax is the income tax. Taxes were raised on every American who drives, Social Security recipients, and small businessmen, among others.) We did learn one new thing, though. What's the difference between a tiny minority and a mandate? Two. The difference between President Clinton and Bill's 43% "mandate" in November of 1992 and the "tiny minority" of 41% that can (and we hope will) filibuster the Clinton Comprehensive Care Plan (CCCP) in the U.S. Senate is two percentage points. What else should we expect from someone who thinks 95% (93%, 90%, whatever it takes) is "every American"? Quote of the weak: "Al Gore, Jim Cooper; our congressmen have made us proud." Campaign ad for Andy Hoover, former Congressional candidate, who was soundly defeated. Quote of the strong: "Jimmy had Billy, Nixon had Watergate, Clinton's got himself." George Donovan Words to Live By is published every week at about this time by Spiff. You can send a fax to us here in the Spiff Executive Plaza, towering over beautiful downtown Donelson, Tennessee at 615-883-0435.