Words to Live By c Since 1993 A SPIFF Publication Vol. 2, No. 25 It says promote the general welfare, not pay for it! Budget Cutting, Clinton Style Not satisfied with defiling our military from Oxford or by forcing stupid social experiments on the armed forces from the White House, the Clinton staff decided to take matter into their own hands during President Clinton and Bill's trip to Normandy. On the night before the D-Day ceremonies were to take place, the Clintons and their 40 staffers slept aboard the aircraft carrier U.S.S. George Washington. Apparently, during their time on the ship, $562 worth of towels and robes bearing the George Washington insignia were stolen from Clinton staffers' staterooms. When the story broke, the White House immediately made sure to tell us that nothing was taken from President Clinton and Bill's stateroom, (They don't need to rip off the military, they have already stolen its dignity.) and that the staffers who did take the items thought they were complimentary. (You know, like the secret spy decoder ring that the staff finds in their morning box of Coco-Krispies.) We at Spiff think the items were stolen for another reason. As you know, the only place President Clinton wants to cut spending is in the military. It is widely known that she is not particularly found of it. Although now she does claim that she wanted to be one of a few good men and join the Marines, we think she would like to see the military budget eliminated altogether and the money funneled to her crisis of the week. We have reason to believe that this was part of a well orchestrated but poorly carried-out plan to remove anything the Clintons feel unnecessary from ships such as the George Washington. Or they just want to make straight sailors feel even more uncomfortable around their new recruits by taking away all of the bathrobes. Either way, it is yet another indictment of this squeaky clean presidency. Let us harken back to those heady days when we had just thrown off the shackles of oppression, intolerance, bigotry, and the worst economy in 50 seconds. Bill trudged out every day with another of President-elect Clinton's appointments and made pronouncements about how ethical her government would be. What do we have 17 months later? Ron Brown's Vietnamese problems, (and we don't mean boat people) Agriculture Secretary Mike Espy under investigation for accepting illegal gifts, Travelgate, Vincent Foster, Helicoptergate, Cattlegate, and the Whitewater S&L corruption, land fraud, illegal campaign funding, shredding, suicide (?) scheme. So there is the evidence, was it a high-powered scheme to cut more defense spending or just a bunch of hypocritical crooks. You be the judge. Ashes to Ashes Why do we have to keep talking about this? Last week, Knoxville mayor Victor Ashe, in Portland to attend the U.S. Conference of Mayors meeting, took time out from receiving praise from Attorney General Janet Reno (Why would he want it?) to tell the gathered press that he and the other mayors get along better with the Clinton Administration that they did with its Republican predecessor. Those of you in our vast readership who live outside of Tennessee are probably asking "so what?" The so what is that Ashe is (or claims to be) a Republican. When will these people learn that being a member of a political party sometimes means you have certain beliefs about the issues that face our nation and that kissing up to the liberals to get a few pork dollars for your city is wrong. This is, however, not a first for Ashe. During the 1993 debate over President Clinton and Bill's tax-and-spend budget, our illustrious Senator, Daffuhzit Jim Sasser, used a quote from Ashe on the Senate floor in an attempt to show that Clinton's taxes had wide support in the country. Sasser accurately (and accuracy is not one of Jim's strong suits) quoted Ashe as saying that he found many good things in the Clinton budget. What Republican in his right mind could ever think that there was anything good in a budget that hits the people with another tax increase and more government? One that knows how to play the kiss-up to get pork game. Why is Jim still in office when he should have been removed after one term? Because Ashe and other well-known Republican elected officials refuse to stand and fight for principles. They just climb into bed with Daffuhzit Jim, Ned McWherter and Your Congressman Bob Clement. There is still hope though. When Sasser used that quote from Ashe on the Senate floor, Senator Phil Gramm of Texas heard him and responded by saying, "Does pimping have no limits? You can tell Victor I said that." Thank you Senator Gramm. Special Phil Bredesen Nashville Arena Fraud Update* * Sorry, didn't we tell you that you have to pay more for updates? If California Used the Chair instead of Gas, The Pun Potential Would Be Unlimited! O.J. Simpson's ex-wife has been murdered, and the networks are having fun. The news department is fighting the sports desk for jurisdiction, although the helicopter traffic guys seemed to get the jump on both of them. There's murder. There's sports. The car shows are rerunning reviews of late-model Broncos. The usual lot is complaining that O.J. is getting special treatment because he's a celebrity, or he's getting unfair treatment because he's black. Maxine Waters is screaming for more of your money to go to East-Central L.A. to help 30-year-old youths cope with their rage. Robert Byrd is calling for emergency measures which will pump $80 billion into West Virginia's new Center for the Study of Why Athletes Become Actors (Allegedly) and Kill Their Ex-Wives (Allegedly), which will house another atomic clock. As a public service, Spiff will clear up the situation for you. O.J. Simpson was a great runner, on the football field, on the track, and in the airports. His acting talents were displayed in such screen classics as "The Naked Gun" and on Saturday Night Live. He has been a hero to many kids, regardless of their color. Now his ex-wife and her friend have been brutally killed. His children are without their mother. O.J. has been charged with the murders. We hope he is found innocent of the murders. Unless he did it. In that case, he belongs in the gas chamber. Quote of the weak: "I don't know that there's a public official in America today...who's got a record that stretches back any longer than mine." Bill Clinton, on welfare reform (among other things) Quote of the strong: "The American people are sick of a White House run by twenty-somethings with an earring and an axe to grind." GOP Senate nominee Oliver North Words to Live By is published every week at about this time by Spiff. You can send a fax to us here in the Spiff Executive Plaza, towering over beautiful downtown Donelson, Tennessee at 615-883-0435.