Words to Live By Since 1993 A SPIFF Publication Vol. 2, No. 14 You too can make huge profits in Arkansas! Call 1-900-MOOO-COW. The Mooning of America The best pictures yet taken of the moon are currently being sent back to Earth by a new space probe we have orbiting that body. Scientists have been dazzled by the clarity of the pictures and the detail they reveal about this heretofore uncharted part of our solar syst... Wait a minute. Haven't we already had men on the moon? Why are we sending a probe to the one part of the solar system we have actually studied in person? Some of us here at Spiff grew up idolizing NASA and the space program. Unfortunately, those days are gone. In the past few years, these guys can't seem to light a roman candle, let alone manage our progress into the heavens. We do not come to this conclusion easily. As we charge through life, demanding that government cut spending, we tend to hit the brakes at the space program. As children, our rooms were full of books about the stars. We watched that one giant leap for mankind. On the nights the Voyager probes sped past the giant outer planets, we sat before our televisions through the night, waiting for each new picture to appear on the screen. We even thought Skylab was a great idea. Our heroes were men like Neil Armstrong, Buzz Aldrin (and, yes) John Glenn. It always seemed to take something special for those men to do what they did and succeed. Somewhere along the way, NASA fell victim to the same pencil-pushing bureaucrats that have destroyed every other government program. The same agency that dreamed great dreams, that flung men into space on columns of fire, and put a man on the moon in just eight years, now can't explain why we need a space station. One of the best ideas in a generation, the Hubble Telescope, was derailed by an incorrect measurement. Someone forgot to oil the antenna mast on the Gallileo probe to Jupiter before it was launched and it got stuck, seriously hurting a multi-million dollar mission. The Mars Observer vanished and the Shuttle is unreliable at best. It is time for the government to open up the heavens to everyone. The NASA of old has shown us the way and given us the technology to get there. It is time to let the private sector have a shot at moving us into the future. The government must give the future back to those kids who were awed at the sight of their first rocket launch, who dreamed the dreams, or even the ones who watched all night as other worlds drifted across their television screens. The Joycelyn Elders Logic Line Smoking is bad. Smoking should be outlawed. No business should allow smoking on its premises. If they do allow smoking, businesses should be forced to build separate ventilation systems for smokers. We should raise taxes on cigarettes by $1.25 per pack. Higher taxes will force people to stop smoking. The taxes will pay for health care. Tobacco companies are evil. They put Nicotine into cigarettes to hook us. Nicotine is a drug. We should legalize marijuana. Under Siege! Bernard Nussbaum is gone. Les Aspin is gone. Webster Hubbell is gone. Vince Foster is really gone. The White House chef is gone. A White House usher is gone. William Kennedy, III has been re-assigned. George Stephanopoulos is on shaky ground. The siege of the White House continues.... As the noose of Special Prosecutor Robert Fiske's investigation closes in on President Clinton and Bill, desperate flailing about can be detected in the White House. Less than 48 hours after Bill told the nation that he knew of no attempt by any White House personnel to influence the Resolution Trust Corporation investigation of Madison Guarantee, Time Magazine released a story detailing Senior (at his age?) Advisor George Stephanopoulos' attempt to do just that. That, for those of you who have never seen one up close, is a lie. Do not forget that the target of Stephanopoulos' wrath, former U.S. Attorney Jay Stephens, is the same fellow who was fired by President Clinton and Bill before he could complete his criminal investigation of House Post Office King, Dan Rostenkowski. Yes, the same noble fellow who keeps getting elected in Chicago (with Bill's help) even though he is the target of multiple inquiries and a wart on the American Government. The siege mentality gripping the White House became evident last week as two national news magazines described President Clinton and Bill as "demoralized" Vice President Owl Gore as "depressed." We here at Spiff continue to wonder why these people keep reacting to each new revelation in an attacking campaign mode, rather than explaining why their people rifled through Vince Foster's office and attempted to stifle the investigation. If there is nothing to hide, stop hiding everything. Quote of the weak: "Sometimes government offers unique jobs they might not get other places." Susan Holiday, a government employee Quote of the strong: "I defy you to find any other account in the country where such a tiny amount of cash was allowed to risk such massive amounts of money." Morris Markovitz Words to Live By is published every week at about this time by Spiff. You can send a fax to us here in the Spiff Executive Plaza, towering over beautiful downtown Donelson, Tennessee at 615-883-0435.