Words to Live By Since 1993 A SPIFF Publication Vol. 1, No. 15 Honk if you're related to Clinton! Hooked on Phonies We here at Spiff would like to take a few moments of your time to discuss the word "education." Can you say "education"? We knew you could. We want to discuss education, not in the usual sense, but in the arrogant liberal sense. Have you noticed that every time a lib is discussing an issue, on which most of America usually disagrees, they constantly use the word "educate," implying that anyone who disagrees with them is the victim of misinformation, ignorance, chiiild abuse, lead poisoning, prejudice, and the failed policies of the last 12 years. No matter what the issue, the people, if they follow a personal code of decency and don't agree with the lib, must be "educated." (Don't sit there and say that we each must determine our own ethical behavior. You know better.) How difficult it has been to continue stumbling through life, without the light of liberal wisdom to guide our way. How many times have you watched (insert liberal here) tell an interviewer that you must be "educated" on sexual harassment, respect for the environment, abortion, condoms, gun control, health care, tolerance, etc. when you have known how to conduct yourself since childhood. How many times have you been "educated" on one liberal issue or another, each time the "education" consisted of being told that anything goes. If you don't agree, then you are ignorant and must be (all together now) "educated." Maybe if these libs spent less time "educating" us and more time calming themselves, the world would be a much better place. Spiff is sick of being told that we are stupid just because we have a different point of view. This points out the sheer arrogance of some libs. Spiff does not claim that ours is the only view on issues, (even if it is the right one) and we do not think that all libs are ignorant, just misguided. Perhaps Spiff will have to "educate" them. Until then guys, give it a rest. Let Your Conscience Be Your Guide As Spiff told you two weeks ago, "Daffuhzit" Jim Sasser and Governor Boss Hogg have talked Nashville Mayor and transplanted Yankee Phil Bredesen into running for governor. This has not been an easy year for libs. Although they have a magnificent slate of gubernatorial hopefuls, the libs have learned that running for governor usually requires having a candidate that someone actually might have heard of. As the year wore on, Your Congressman Bob Clement considered the race while Democrats waited nervously, hoping he would stay out. Finally, Your Congressman Bob Clement decided that his sister couldn't get him this job, and being ripped by Don Sundquist once was enough. Besides, the polls said he would win, and he didn't want to scare away any other worthy Democrats. Then, attention turned (slightly) to Jane Eskind, queen mother and chief benefactor of lib campaigns. Jane decided not to run because the polls said she would win, and she didn't want to scare away any other worthy Democrats. (Do we see a pattern here?) Now, at last, we come to Nashville Mayor and transplanted Yankee Phil Bredesen. If you will remember, in May he told us that his conscience wouldn't let him run for governor, while there was still more work to be done and property taxes to be raised in Nashville. Apparently, his conscience (?) is eased. Spiff doesn't know why Phil is running, but following the logic of poll-reading, established by his lib colleagues, we are confident that Phil will lose. Spiff assumes that Phil will resign as mayor while he leads the lib charge into the governor's mansion. If not, how can we have effective (snicker) government in Nashville? Well, the decision is made, and, as is our duty, Spiff presents a fair and unbiased look at the pros and cons of Phil's chances: Pro: ù He is popular ù He'll get the pot vote, because he wants it legalized ù The new arena ù His money ù He's not Clinton ù He promised to fix the landfill ù He's connected with Democrats ù At least he's known Con: ù Of course he's popular. He replaced Bill Boner ù He'll get the pot vote, because he wants it legalized ù The new taxes ù Where he got his money ù Bill and Owl will help him ù He lied about fixing the landfill ù He's connected with some Republicans ù He'll face Don Sundquist A Christmas Bird A disturbing story came to us here in the Spiff Executive Plaza towering over beautiful downtown Donelson, Tennessee. Those of you with weak constitutions (such as one which does not include the tenth ammendment), please read on with care. This week they cut down the White House and Capitol Christmas trees. Although the Forest Service attempted to keep the location a secret, there was still an ugly incident involving the actual cutting. Using the ever-growing government resources at his disposal, Vice President Owl Gore discovered the location and flew to the scene. Rangers tried unsuccessfully to keep him away, but Owl planted himself at the base of the tree and refused to leave. Hours of negotiation bore no positive results. they tried bringing Tipper in, hoping that a few hours of her talking would drive him away. They even sprayed him with hairspray cans and littered the area around him, hoping to lure him from the tree, but to no avail. Finally, the Rangers promised Owl that they would build a sauna into the Vice Presidential mansion to go with his new whirlpool, virgin wood closets, and wood porch (all at taxpayer expense, of course). These promised got Owl to reluctantly leave his perch, and Owl was last spotted flying back to Washington. Christmas may proceed. Billspeak A few years ago, people (Dana Carvey, etc.) made fun of the way George Bush spoke_using incomplete sentences, not finishing a thought, etc. The Bush years may be over, but some things never change (in addition to new taxes and the new world order). When a medialib asked him if he thought the founding fathers made the right choice in not choosing the turkey as the national bird, Bill replied: "Yes, they did. Well, actually, let me tell you. What Franklin meant_wild turkeys_and they're quite beautiful, if you've ever seen them. They're bottom-heavy, like a regular turkey, but they're quite beautiful. And they can go from zero to 35 miles an hour in no time_something that most people don't know. They're amazing creatures to see operate in the woods and to listen_and being out there in the woods on an early November or December morning, listening to the turkeys. Actually, in our state, it's turkey season_" And he said all that without inhaling. Quote of the weak: "I come from a state that grows a lot of turkeys." Bill Clinton Quote of the strong: "It is the right to put forth an idea, scoffed at by the experts, and watch it catch fire among the people." The President, Ronald W. Reagan, describing freedom Words to Live By is published every week at about this time by Spiff. You can send a fax to us here in the Spiff Executive Plaza, towering over beautiful downtown Donelson, Tennessee at 615-883-0435.