Words to Live By Since 1993 A SPIFF Publication Vol. 1, No. 12 See, He Told You So Strike Three! Well, look at this. It seems as though Republicans have swept the three major offices in the off-year elections. The fun part is watching President Clinton and Bill explain away the crushing defeat of their liberal candidates. ("Americans want chaaaange! Chaaaange! We must have chaaaange!") Do not forget that in every one of the six major elections held this year a Republican took the office previously held by a lib. Anyone who thinks this is not a complete and total rejection of the policy of "trust me" government and higher taxes must have caught some of Bill's second-hand, uninhaled smoke. Let's look at each election a little bit closer: ù New York: Libs outnumber Republicans in New York City by a five-to-one count. They outnumber conservatives by even more. How could they have lost the mayoralty of liberal purgatory without the help of a president who basically stinks? Bill also campaigned for ex-mayor-to-be Dink, as did Barbra Streisand. (Sorry, Babs. Guess it's back to complaining about being unappreciated as a director.) If you can't make it there, you can't make it anywhere.... ù New Jersey: Say anything to get elected (Lie.), then raise taxes anyway, and you'll end up like Flim-Flam Florio, on the street. Are you listening, Bill? How about you, President Clinton? Well, we didn't think so. ù Virginia: To Spiff this race holds the best lesson of all. School is in session, class, so pay attention. If you are a conservative and you run as a conservative, you win. If you (and you know who you are) fall into this stupid idea that we must "moderate" our message in order to win, you lose. People respect strong ideas and leadership. (Remember The President and Margaret Thatcher? How many times did they lose in a general election?) People do not respect "me too" government. (Remember....) Good ideas win elections, not pretending to be a nicer member of the other party. Why try to look like the libs when they're losing every race? ù They might have been able to explain away Texas, Georgia, and maybe even Virginia. But President Clinton and Bill can't explain Arkansas (only the second Republican to win statewide office this century), L.A., New Jersey, and New York. These races point the way to success. If you are a Republican and you're running for something, please take heed. But for now, be happy. Bill feels his own pain. Flaming Liberals While fire consumed 98% of California, (We'll have President Clinton's Health Scare Task Force revise this number later. They have a lot of experience.) questions arise that even Wolf Blitzer has not asked. ù What do we know about the arsonist? Eleanor Clift says the fire was set by a homeless person who was displaced by the failed economic policies of the last 12 years. Spiff knows, however, that the fire was started by a spotted owl who was being careless with his soon-to-be-even-more-taxed cigarettes. ù Speaking of Owl, where was the President of Vice during all of this? How could he sit idly by as millions of his cousins, both coniferous and deciduous burned? ù Why haven't President Clinton and Bill said more about this crisis? Why hasn't the Health Scare Task Force pointed out the cost to our health system? When are we going to wake up and support match control measures, such as the Greg Brady Bill, a five-day waiting period for cigarette lighters? ù Is the fire a response to the verdict of the Reginald Denny trial? The Rodney King verdict caused loss of property in East L.A., so now the Denny verdict causes loss of property for the Malibu rich. At least it's fair. Why Is It? While watching a recent gathering of President Clinton and Bill's cabinet that looks like the rich lawyers of America, we were struck with a thought: Are there any attractive (intelligent? distinguished?) people in this government? This thought led us to run a quick comparison between this administration and the last two, listing people who served under one or both of the previous two presidents and the people who work for this one. Labor: Then: Lynn Martin, Elizabeth Dole Now: Robert B. Reichhhhhhhh-a (Follow the yellow brick road!) State: Then: George Schultz, James Baker Now: Warren Christopher (Would you like to visit my summer home in Transylvania?) HHS: Then: Dr. Louis Sullivan Now: Donna Shalalala (Where the heck is my neck?) U.N.: Then: Jeane Kirkpatrick Now: Madeline Albright (We are chasing Aidid. No we aren't. Bomb! Don't Bomb!) Justice: Then: Ed Meese, Dick Thornburgh Now: Janet Reno (Hello, I'm Popeye and Olive Oyl's love child.) Pet: Then: Rex, Millie Now: A cat. (Imagine how the White House smells right now. That's why Bill doesn't inhale.) First Lady: Then: Nancy Reagan (Style), Barbara Bush (Class) Now: Bill (Could aw have fries with that?) President: Then: The President and President Bush Now: President Clinton and her Cookies Does America look like this? Quote of the weak: "(Sigh) We'd rather win." David Wilhelm, after they lost Quote of the strong: "I feel my view is right." Margaret Thatcher Words to Live By is published every week at about this time by Spiff. You can send a fax to us here in the Spiff Executive Plaza, towering over beautiful downtown Donelson, Tennessee at 615-883-0435.