Words to Live By Since 1993 A SPIFF Publication Vol. 1, No. 10 If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more Democrats happy? What Foreign Policy? After nine months, it is time for Spiff to take an objective look at American foreign policy in the Clinton era. We find some disturbing trends (lies?) in what President Clinton and Bill have said, both during the campaign and in office (Is there a difference?) and what has actually been accomplished. Some trouble spots we have noticed: ù Bosnia: President Clinton and Bill found it very easy to criticize President Bush's refusal to bomb Serbian positions in Bosnia. Now, with the added burden of responsibility, the tune has changed. Actually, the tune has changed many times. We're going to bomb, we're not going to bomb, now we just maybe, might, possibly, sort of bomb again, and we just might even send in 25,000 troops or maybe not, if Secretary General Boutros Boutros (still no relation....) tells us to. ù Somalia: You put your right troops in, you take your right troops out, you put your wrong troops in and you shake 'em all about. We are hunting The Warlord, Mohammed Farrah Fawcett Aidid. No we aren't. Yes we are. No we aren't. We never were, because when we were we couldn't get CNN to tell us where he was. For President Clinton and Bill, the important part of this issue seems to be getting their cabinet that looks like America (if we are all rich lawyers) to sound like each other. ù Haiti: Spiff welcomes the news that the first ship searched in our daring blockade of this powerful threat to world peace was carrying a load of cement. We couldn't sleep, knowing that they might be building a sidewalk in Port-Au-Prince. It is difficult to comment on our policy in Haiti; we don't have one. But heck, we'll send some troops anyway, or maybe not. ù Europe: Do you remember the strong relationship we had with countries in Europe? In the 80s, American and British relations were never closer. Now, we are treated to the truly sorry sight of this administration, groping around for an explanation of its failures and lack of coherent leadership, blaming Great Britain for the disaster in Bosnia. Unpatriotic as it may sound, Spiff was glad to hear this response from Prime Minister John Major, "It is widely known that President Clinton is having trouble developing a sound foreign policy. Perhaps, that is where he should look for blame." Have you noticed that nobody knows who P.M. Major's wife is, and nobody cares? Spiff agrees with the calls for Defense Secretary Les Aspin to resign. Because of his failure to send in the proper protection for our troops, for purely political reasons, he has shown his incompetence in the position. We also believe that Rep. Frank McCloskey (Dem., Indiana) is right (See Vol. 1, No. 2, Principle 3 again) to call for the resignation of Secretary of State Warren Christopher before any more Americans are killed in these poorly planned adventures. If you think we are done with this round of peacekeeping, know that Gaza lies ahead and the U.N. recently voted to send troops to a fish called Rwanda. One last question: Didn't President Clinton and Bill choose Owl Gore as a running mate to bring foreign policy experience to the ticket? Apparently, Owl is only interested in foreign policy when some trees are under attack in Paraguay. Health Scare Card II The second of President Clinton and Bill's protoype cards for the Clinton Comprehensive Care Plan (CCCP) has now gone public. It is the black card, which features a prominent description of the CCCP in orange letters, "Disaster." Unlike the first card, the green card, this black card can be used at Instant Bankruptcy Machines throughout the country. You cannot make a withdrawal, but you can deposit your taxes. You can also use it to purchase cigarettes at convenience stores throughout the North American Free Trade Zone and Washington, D.C. Quote of the weak: "Americans need help understanding their world now more than ever." President H.R. Clinton Quote of the strong: "Hope is no basis for a defense policy" Margaret Thatcher Some quotees are neither weak nor strong; they simply have no clue. Your Congressman, Bob Clement is responsible for these. Since English is not the official language of the United States, much less Washington, we present, with translation where needed... Quotes of the incomprehensible "The changes need to be realistically phased in,...needs to be adaptable to all American communities...Long-term care for the elderly needs to be addressed...Children's health needs and preventative medicine should be incorporated...We have to prevent the creation of more federal bureaucracy." One of these things is not like the others. One of these things just doesn't belong.... "The system needs to be financed fairly." "We're raising your taxes!" "Whole parts of our population either have no health insurance or inadequate coverage." Whole parts? Words to Live By is published every week at about this time by Spiff. You can send a fax to us here in the Spiff Executive Plaza, towering over beautiful downtown Donelson, Tennessee at 615-883-0435.