Words to Live By
Since 1993 A SPIFF Publication Vol. 7, No. 2

Bush Still Wins
This will come as a surprise to nobody who visited this web page intentionally, but George W. Bush really did win Florida. That means, of course, that he really did win the U.S. What is a little surprising is that the national media, even Ted Turner's Barbarella News Network, admit it (for now).

The Miami Herald, home of Dave Barry and that's about all, announced that President Bush (who was not President Bush at the time, but you already knew that) won Florida by 140 votes. This is after counting every little hanging, dimpled, pregnant, under-inflated, nacho-flavored, and immaginary chad in four counties where Gore thought he could manufacture more votes.

The Herald proclaimed, "If Secretary of State Katherine Harris had let South Florida counties complete manual recounts before certifying the results of last November's election, George W. Bush likely would have won the presidency outright, without weeks of indecision and political warfare, a review of Miami-Dade County's 'undervote' ballots shows."

Translation: "If the wicked witch of the South had just let the recount continue [instead of obeying the law] the American people wouldn't have had to go through the five weeks of the torture she made us endure."

So that must mean that if we had let the Miami Herald's auditors take 57 days to recount ballots that had already been counted at least twice and find votes that had never been voted, we would have known the results by early January instead of mid-December. Shame on you, Miss Harris!

In case you were thinking that this is all over, ha! What were you thinking? In a story in which it says that analysis only "suggests vote recount favored Bush," BNN reports, "A separate group of news organizations, including [BNN], The New York Times and The Washington Post, have joined forces to retain a nonprofit research firm to conduct an inventory of Florida's uncounted presidential ballots."

Well, where do we start? By noting that the three above-mentioned "news" organizations are the definition of the liberal media? By wondering why those three multi-gazillion-dollar companies had to join forces to hire a company that can't even make a buck? By pointing out that rich socialists trust only nonprofit companies (except themselves)? By showing that every one of the 180,000 "uncounted" presidential ballots was counted at least twice, but didn't have a valid presidential vote? By reminding ourselves that there actually were some uncounted ballots - military ballots that were discarded by Florida Democrats? You tell us.

Ronald Reagan, The
 President, sends a message to Bill Clinton, who refuses to go away.
Ronald Reagan, The President, sends a message to Bill Clinton, who refuses to go away.

Words to Live By is published every once-in-a-while by Spiff. You can send a fax to us here in the Spiff Executive Tower, on the banks of the mighty Cumberland River, at 615-847-2259. You can e-mail us at spiff@spiff.org.